Romance in the Noughties

Now I am not a very modern girl - I kinda cruise along doing my own thing, occasionally bumping into trends. Nor do I pretend to be like everyone else, or expect them to be like me. It's cool, it's okay. But I do think it is important to share my learnings on modern romance from the hip young things that will one day run the world.

Now I say from the outset, my ideal romantic evening would be a good debate on world economic theory, history and maybe a bit of philosophy. This would include (somewhere) a meal prepared by one of us - preferably a new recipe or something else that is worth savoring and considering. (No I don't understand why I don't date much...)

Anyway the notion of "shake your booty" (translation: wobble your butt) has been around for a while and yes, maybe, with the right person, in the right mood, I could possibly, maybe see this working. Say something like "take your shirt off for me baby, now your jeans - shake you booty for me babe". Okay it's a bit of a stretch but I could possibly, maybe see that working.

Then we had "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" (translation: I am a shallow bimbo looking for someone to treat me like a doormat). Again, possibly, maybe this could work. Especially if you are going up an ex that "tossed you to the kerb" (translation: dumped you). The biggest problem is that it only is for the very shallow - too many lines like "no I wanted a real woman" are waiting to douse the flames of this one.

Then (and this is my ultimate) there is "bounce like you got a hydraulic in your g-string". Now I just can't imagine this working ANY time. Even if she was a rev-head, I still can't even envision who might fall for a line like this. Who even thinks like this? (genuine request for feedback).

And for all those gals out there who are wishing the other half would sometimes lift his game a little bit in the 'sweep you off your feet' department just consider this: it's your anniversary ... he has bought oysters, champagne and candlelight ... he gazes into your eyes deeply and voices his wish that he could marry you all over again ... it works, you move towards to bedroom ... he is nibbling your ear and whispering sweet nothings ... and then he says "(insert your name here) why don't you bounce like you got a hydraulic in your g-string"......

Now I ask you - what happens next?