Sunday, October 28, 2007

The Power of Love

Looking after John, in the last few months of his life, certainly had its highs but it was undeniably hard work - physically and emotionally. Yes there was outside help that came to the house, but it was still a 24 hour job. And on top of the day to day management of his condition, was the inevitable thought that turned to the future. The only care for dementia patients is in aged care facilities which seemed so wrong for a 37 year old. Please understand, I am neither complaining nor trying to martyr myself, I loved him as I have never, or will, loved anyone else.

My thoughts turn to the incredible V who is looking after her husband of a million years K. K's mind is still sharp but his body is frail and not working as it did in his youth. V is doing everything I did, but she is over 80. She spoke to me, with tears in her eyes, insisting that she while couldn't put K in a home but she was finding things very hard. I can only imagine.

It seems to me this is something that many of us will be going through - and the only real way to avoid it is to both 'go downhill' at the same time, or to have your partner die suddenly before the decisions need to be made.

There is no easy solution to this. It sucks.


kyles said...

Love allows you to do above and beyond what you think you are capable of sometimes...there is no easy solution, but it's one of the things that makes us care for another and put anothers needs sometimes ahead of our own. Your last paragraph has me thinking cause this is something we are facing with a loved one, supporting her to stay independent, and its damn hard some days.

Gale said...

I know what u mean kyles, we to are experiencing that. Gran wanted her husband to die first as she doubted he would cope, this happened. Now 10 yrs later she is stuggling to stay independent as so much of it slips away.

half the family is fighting for her and assiting her, basic things like seeing she gets to her church. My cousin is arranging to give up her job and give up her job and to come back from her travels to selflessly care for her

while her two daughters arrange a home, as one has bingo committments and the other dancing..

Its sad to watch my gran just trying to live how she wants to live... Bloody family

Gale said...

I think R. when caring for a loved the time, you dont think you just do...and for all its good bits, its bad bits...its not till its over and you have time to reflect that you realise how important you were and all that you did...if that makes sense

Mountaingirl said...

What deep women you are :-)