I had a big chat with a gf the other day about how I have finally accepted the way I am - with all of my quirks - and I realise that that choice will probably mean I will never have a partner - even for the short term. And I am okay with that - I don't want to compromise me. It has nothing to do with the toilet seat being up, or who takes out the garbage, it is to do with my interests and my personality. I like me - and all the bits that sometimes make it hard to fit in with regular people.And before anyone says "oh you will meet someone one day" consider this: in my nearly 38 years on this planet I have found one person with similar interests to me. Since I was 17 I have only been attracted - even initially - to two people - and I would still have to change me if there was going to be a 'lifetime of happiness' with either.
I have woken up this morning to realise that, if I was feeling blue, I could have reached the same conclusion but under the guise of "I am unlovable - no one will ever love me for me".
I have meditated on this for a bit and have determined, that I really do believe the first thoughts - this isn't a defence mechanism, nor am I feeling blue and just trying to put a spin on the situation. But it is all in the attitude.
Art: "Independent Woman" by theharmfulspork
4 comments:
I like your thoughts and the fact that you are accepting of this. Tho I may be somewhat less experienced in my years (28), I too have found myself in similar thoughts as yourself. Tho at this time I am trying to actually talk to someone at this time, I have only been with one person in my life thus far that I have connected with personally in that manner. There is so much hoop-la and pressure out there for someone to be married and yadda-yadda...I've come to accept that I may be single the rest of my life, and I'm ok with that, b/c that is the way I am...
I found this post really hit home for me at least...thnx MG! :-)
There's nothing wrong with being a confirmed bachelor or bachelotette, and there are a lot of people I admire for going that route instead of caving-in to societies demands that they marry & procreate.
If one has a strong circle of support and loving friends (and I know you do MG)... (and quality over quantity!!), then being single isn't the worst thing in the world. I love that you love yourself and your ways (quirky or not) and I know a lot of people who could stand to take a page from Mountaingirls musings and learn to be happy with themselves.
A life partner changes you, and not necessarily in ways you want to be changed. Meeting someone at a minimum means willing to be changed.
My values and my wifes values are not 100% aligned. We have our rough edges that cut into each other on a regular basis. I think it takes two things to make it work: allowing that the other person values different things than you, but having values close enough that you can at least understand why the person values the things s/he does.
There is much to be said for liberty and independence. Anyone in a long term relationship misses these things when they can't choose to do the things they want to.
Your words are very wise admiyo and I do consider that, if I was with the right person, what changes for the better could they bring to me (or bring out of me).
Would that person be 'more complete' than I am now?
For that I don't have an answer but I do contemplate the possibilities. And then I wonder if "the right person" (for me anyway) actually exists and when will they turn up. How much of my life do I spend 'waiting' when I could be living, whilst acknowledging that that 'living' could be taking me further away from them.
Having said all of my rant, I really do admire those with a husband/ wife/ life partner who jump into dealing with all of this stuff that I am choosing to avoid.
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