Feeling a bit sad today. Actually more accurately a bit un-loved. Nothing major - this too shall pass - just had a couple of little things that happened yesterday, a few words said, that have been playing on my mind.Incredibly self-indulgent (and probably over-sensitive) I know, and I will pull myself out of it by the time I got to work tonight but for now ... well self-doubt creeps in. I question my verve and my bodaciousness. I begin to shout internally "what about me" and ... well generally feel sorry for myself.
And, as usual for a Monday, if I could get a bit more sleep ( had only three hours yesterday and 2 hours today - so far) I know that would make a big difference. Even my beloved pod isn't drowning out the words circulating in my head so that isn't really an option for at least the next hour or so.
It is funny because for the vast majority of my time I am Mountaingirl - I am the self-portrait that I use in my About Me section. I am not conventional in a lot of ways and that is a cause for celebration (you can't be Mountaingirl and be 'regular' - that would be 'Raelene' and I left her in WA) but on days like this, well I wonder if a bit more conventionality - in personality, in body, in mind - might not be a bit easier.
Okay I am just venting. Tomorrow I shall be laughing at all of this self-indulgent crap but for now ... well I could use a hug :-(
Art: "Firelight" by Charnine
6 comments:
I know exactly the feelings you describe. Sometimes, even though I know I am being self indulgent, I just want to wallow in it for a moment.
That's allowed.
Conventional is not easier. It is a compromise, and compromise is never good nor easy on the soul.
You're right, you will pull yourself out. I hope you find your flow again soon :-)
Hello?... am I missing something in yours and alisons writing... when is it wrong to be self indulgent? where as women do we get that...personally if we dont indulge ourselves, be introspective, tender with ourselves...'to shout what about me!' how do we identify that there is stuff we want to tweak, or needs we have that arent being met?...
You are a diamond my chick, a caret of Rae, Pearl, Goddess, MG, your funny, compasionate, a bloody good friend, an even better chef, unique, silly, wise, kind and all that all make up one of the hardest (a positive) minerals we have...a glittery shiny diamond....
I know where you are, sometimes its hard to shut abbey's internal diaologue... blah blah blan she goes and my sense of self plummets... Im similar, I crank the stereo and dance...beats a hangover...giggle...
Hugs your way. Sometimes I think the low times revive us. They slow us down and cause us to notice our bruises. Its a bit like falling down and picking yourself back up again. You move a bit more slowly at first, then back to your normal step.
You need a pair of "Happy Pants".
I had a rough week last week and made the girls in my office a pair.
We all arrive in that place now and then and it isn't easy to just pull yourself up. The more you surround yourself with loving energy though the easier it is.
Sending you lots of smiley energy and a pair of "happy pants" =)
Deborah
Cheer up, MG!
Sending bear-hugs across the waves!
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