I have been a bit light on blogging for the past two days. Primarily I have needed a lot of sleep but I have also needed some thinking time.So what have I been thinking? Some about the state of the world. Some about a general self-audit. Most about a decision I need to make. I have resolved this in that I have made my decision, just not sure how to implement it.
I have said before that my Grandpa used to say "as one door closes, another one opens" and I was operating on that for a while and now I realize that I can also close doors.
I need some space from a situation I am increasingly unhappy with, yes something else has happened. I have already named my specific points of concern but it got a bit confusing when I talked to a friend. I have been there before and I don't want to go there again ... actually I refuse to go there again. I refuse to carry all of the baggage for someone else. I refuse to hold them up because they are making choices they pretend they don't like. Every cell of my body has been screaming like a two year old "I don't want to go there" and I have been rationalizing it, soothing myself, ignoring it all. I need to listen to my instincts and honor them - I really don't want to go there.
Will the door be permanently closed, hopefully not, I was planning on leaving it ajar. But then I don't really know what to do next so until I can come up with something I am comfortable with, it is open anyway.
2 comments:
Now as one knows my personal life has gone fanny up - so Im probably not the best for adivce..but heres my 2cents worth anyway...
I would put a chock in the door, maybe a big stone & leave it a little ajar. I wouldnt hover near the door, but throw open the window, watch the curtains in the breeze, look out and see what is there .... breathe deeply and throw it out to the universe.
When you open yourself to all that is out there, you may never want to go back to that old door again.. You may never want to close it but the wind may blow it shut when the time is right...x
You have described the confusion of change very well. It starts as a discontent, a rumble and then becomes more firm in our knowing what we don't want. It helps to be still and listen to your own voice. Soon you will either know what to do or it will take care of itself.
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