Shyness and Other Self Doubts

For many years I have struggled with being somewhat shy. My coping skill was to have a "reason" to go and talk to people - carry a tray of food, be the "smart kid in class" or be one of the event organizers as a few easy examples. But if I was there on my own without a "reason" I really struggled with making contact.

Now I say this openly knowing that many people who have known me in the flesh will possibly thinks I am making it up but I know that this is one of the masks I wear.

The last few days have been different. Okay I admit that the hot pink drew some attention my way (and I noticed a couple of others in hot pink today lol) but it wasn't a deliberate choice as such. I have actually felt outgoing. I have felt alive. I have felt like me. I am flying.

I have introduced myself to others - without a reason. I have welcomed strangers to my lunch table. I have initiated conversations. I haven't thought once about what people will think of me, or being self-conscious about what I look like,or worry that i won't be able to do the work. People are laughing along with me.

I haven't been trying to be outgoing. Nor was I conscious of even doing it up until I was reflecting on the way home - people were waving hello or goodbye (depending on what end of the say it was), most everyone knows my name (including other staff members that haven't been involved in the training but I have only met peripherally), people are chatting with me in a way that doesn't reflect first day nerves. And I didn't put in an effort, it all just happened.

Can I say I am proud of myself? Cos I am lol :-)

Photo"flying to freedom" by =tamki