It is one of those days. I mean the sun is shining, the planet is turning and all is right in my world. So why then is my confidence waning?My painting is turning out exactly as I planned but I am continually undermining myself with stupid conversations in my head about not being good enough and trying to be an artist is a farce.
I brushed my teeth this morning and have decided that I need a dental overhaul if I ever want to smile again.
I even approached my multiple Scrabulous games this morning with trepidation - and as much as I love Scrabble, it is just a game!
Oh and the phone hasn't rung so does that mean I really have no friends?
Ridiculous I know but that is just the start, the ball has started rolling and I am questioning everything about myself ...
I know in my head I am an incredibly sexy, bodacious, intelligent and awesome woman with incredible friends so what has brought upon this change? I understand that "fat days" can be explained by different stages of the menstrual changes. I understand that those we love can inadvertently say things that rock us. But none of that applies to me today.
So now I am over-analyzing and that just isn't the solution :-) So I blog ... and no I am not looking for compliments, I know this will pass, it just confuses me in the meantime...
Pic from Evans Art
7 comments:
Awe, I hate that 'sneaky assed' feeling, don't know how else to describe it...I can feel it coming on but have no chance in hell of stopping it
We are so opposite, I don't answer the phone..laugh, have that pessimistic 'It'll be bad news' thing...mind you my dad didnt answer it for 40yrs...I would ring if I could...
Sounds silly I guess but I get like you sound in prolonged rain or winter...has something to do with lack of vitamin A or D from the sun Im told...I went and sat in a small patch of sun today...just to soak up some energy...
Hang in there chook, and thinkin of ya...x
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson
From her book: Return To Love
you are loved....xo
woooaaahhhh back there...what do you mean scrabulous is JUST a game?????? huh huh, please say it isn't so :)
PS hope you are feeling better xo
Awe...when I start feeling like that it is time for a chakra clearing as energy is stuck somewhere. It is easy, I sit quietly somewhere and mentaly send energy to each of my 7 chakra's from the top down and then grounding it in the earth. It is not an immediate fix, but I usually feel a bit better afterwards.
I really hate the times I work all week just waiting to enjoy the weekend, and when they finally arrive, I just don't feel like doing anything at all and I waste it away doing nothing.
Feel better, I am sending you warm fuzzy smiling energy :)
~Deborah
Thank you ladies. The morning has come and after a lot of self-nurturing (favorite meal of the moment, smelly candles, meditation) and a good night's sleep the wheel is turning.
I think it all comes down to this 'artist' thing and fear of failure (the other balls began to roll very easily).
I am going to address this fear because I don't want to be defined by fear, but of positive choices and opportunities. And I don't like having days like yesterday :-)
Oh, and yes Miss K, Scrabulous is *just* a game :-)
oh dear...i don't believe you...scrabulous is soooo much more than a game, surely?
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