Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Good, The Bad, The I Don't Know

Last night I thought I might be having a heart attack - for real.

I had the tightness across the chest, pain was going down my left arm as well in the muscles that head up to the jaw, I was feeling nauseous and was a little short of breath (although that could have been anxiety). After about 40 minutes I took myself off to the hospital just to be sure (which they said was the right thing to do but insisted I should have called an ambulance instead of driving myself, even though I am a 'country girl').

They hooked me up to the machines, gave me a pill to put under my tongue and an asprin and time passed. After another 30-ish minutes it all went away. The ECG didn't show anything much and I passed the trop test (I don't know the full name of the blood test - it was one of those long medical words).

They wanted me to stay in overnight so I could have a follow-up blood test but I chose to go home instead, although I did commit to going back at 2 am for the test (which I did).

I went home and went to bed. My mind was racing - did I have enough spare pyjamas, are my general affairs in order (in that do I have anything important to do in the next few days - I would need an extension on my assignment/exam for one), should I tell anyone, please let me talk about this to someone.

The night has passed and co-incidentally I am going to my doctor today anyway so I guess I will talk to him about things.

I have no fear of dying (I have my will, my funeral insurance, I am at peace with life) but I am feeling very vulnerable and alone just now. Time to pull myself together and keep going - no point dwelling on it all. But I do feel like a hug and someone to tell me it will all be okay.

Photo: "This Heart" by littlemewhatever


Sammi said...

I am thinking of you.
And I am here for you.
If alone is just a state of mind you better get a bigger head
Because I'm coming in.

pita-woman said...

Oh how scary! I know you've got a good circle of friends in Abz & Kyles and others I'm not aware of... and I know it might've felt like you'd be adding a burden to their lives by calling them last night, but seriously, should something happen like that again, you need to call one of your close friends to be by your side at the hospital.

kyles said...

Thanks Pita, thats exactly what I said to Ms Pearl last night on the phone, she is to call me...ANYTIME for ANY REASON...that's an order. We have a plan and I know Pearl is gonna be just fine, I'm proud of you Pearl for blogging where things are at honey, I wish I had your strength xo

Mountaingirl said...

I had pulled myself together by yesterday afternoon so I am no longer feeling sorry for myself - life is too short. And I have, as Kylie said. put some things in place should it ever happen again lol ... hopefully not though :-)