I have spent my life with valued friends, a reason to get out of bed each day and many moments of happiness and fulfillment.I also know that fitting in isn't always my forte - I know I don't like what regular people like - I mean get me started on world history or economic theory or politics or philosophy and I am in my element. Football and what she was wearing last night or who is dating who, going out and seeing how much you can drink before you pass out ... well I can pass. And on the whole it is never worried me.
I genuinely like who I am and who I am becoming. I have special people in my life who love and support me being me. They allow me to shine and celebrate my me-ness.
So why did a passing comment that I heard today but didn't process until later get to me. Maybe because it hit a sensitive point because I didn't know I had. Maybe it confirmed my fear of failure.
The lovely diver had a post that re-affirmed my path (it wasn't for me obviously and I can't pretend I have reached anywhere near the heights to which he was referring, but we gain our inspiration from where we can) and I have had a meditation and reached my point of peace again.
I have now concluded that one of the challenges we face in being true to who we are, and who we want to be, has a price, a determination of self, a need to draw on strength wherever we find it (internal or external). I discussed this briefly with a treasured friend who gave me more validation than I could have asked for (even though I wasn't asking for it) and that healed my wound.
Is there a lesson here somewhere about listening to our own being as opposed to the voices of others? And being aware of how the opinion of others catch us unawares and giving power to those voices unconsciously effects our decisions? Will have to think that one through a bit further.
All is now well on the Mountain. I have found reasons to dance tonight (and none of them involved Meat Loaf). I still feel comfortable in my own skin. I have learned something from today. I have grown.
3 comments:
Oh MG, can I copy & post this blog to my site???
It brought a tear to my eye, 'cause I feel like I could've written it (or at least, a large portion of it) myself.
You are so absolutely right on the money, about being true to one's self. Dare to be different!!
If we can't love ourselves and who we are, how can we expect others to love us for who we are??
Yes of course you can copy it! I am glad my sentiments resonate with someone else :-)
Yeah, I too genuinely like who I am becoming. Reaching this state has done dinky things for my art too. Stuff just flows out of me now, whereas before - when I was hung up on expectations - art was a real struggle. Hey screw this analysis you already know what I'm talking about here, here's a bunch of happy faces :) :) :) I'm gonna put on some techno music now and put my hands in the air.
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