I was discussing motherhood with a friend tonight and I issued my usual line "I would have made a crap mother". If I think about things logically that is probably true - I mean when is the right time financially and emotionally to make an 18+ year commitment to another human being.
But, upon reflection, I realize that most women don't have kids "at the right time" and they still muddle through - successfully more often than not.
I realised at 26 I wasn't physically able to carry a child and as such put all thoughts of being a mother out of my mind, but if I pull down my defences for just a moment, I think I can honestly say that I could have been a good mother - not perfect, but acceptable nonetheless.
Photo" "Motherhood" by drummerman123456
5 comments:
Mmmm...that anyone handed me a child at 18 then another at 28...is bloody amazing.. what was I thinking, easy I wasnt...I could probably envisage the first twelve months but not after that...
the fact that they turned out nothing like me... damn pretty normal really is a constant source of amazement...
thats the key MG...i dont think any of us are good...we all muddle through...I think you would of been an excentric quirky mother...me, im your overworked tired mother.... and in my family its cool to stuff up mothering as long as you get grandmothering right...ha ha...
considering you make a wicked aunt pearl, mothering I think you would be fine at
Hey Pearl,
If you want kids, I got three up for grabs. Actually at the moment I'm offering a 'special', "buy one get one free!". ;)
From my limited experience, having fathered through toddler tantrums (three times) and now I'm dealing with pre-teen boy angst there's a lot to be said for the freedom which you have.
You're so wonderful, I have no doubt that you'd do a better job bringing these toe-rags up that I ever could! ;)
Happy New Year!
Rob
You are an awesome woman MG and from reading your blog I am sure you have inspired may young souls in this world. One of the things I was so impressed by is when you blogged about opening the world to a younger generation by introducing to them new foods from other cultures. Children don't necessarily have to be your own to be looked at as a mother figure.
Logically, I had children at the 'right' time. I had a loving husband, we were financially stable, good home, good neighbourhood, good support network, we 'felt' ready.
The twins were 10 months and I was pregnant with youngest child when I suddenly became a single parent and the 'right' time meant absolutely jack all. It's exactly as you said - you just muddle through. I think that's the same for any life changing event though, not just parenting.
As for not making a good mother.. My dearest friend was unable to carry children or her own. Everyone, including herself, thought she would be a fantastic mother and she so desperately wanted a child. She and her husband put a massive amount of energy and love and effort into creating the right time to have their baby (via surrogacy), yet when he was born motherhood proved something she could not handle. She never touched her child and barely even looked at him.
Being a mother is something that can be learned. All you need to be successful is to be willing, and to be capable of unconditional love.
I'm sure that you are both of these things.
Over the (childless ) years of my life, I found that it was easy to be critical of a parent, but when all of a sudden i was one of those blundering parents, I realised that - despite the warehouses full of books on child raising etc - there are NO instruction manuals that come with each "new" model, and it comes down to trying to do the best you can, and we all do this a little differently to everyone else (thankfully, else we would be living on a planet filled with clones :-) ]
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