Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Week That Was

Or "Mountaingirl Grows Again ... sort of"

It has been a challenging week. I had an assignment for my Buddhist class due on Friday 2 October and I must admit I was struggling with how to answer the question - I understood the material but the question had me stumped. I struggled with it until Monday 5 October when I conceded defeat and asked for help from my lecturer. What a blessing he was - gave me some great tips and an extension.

After getting that info on Tuesday morning I packed up my stuff, headed to the cafe and three hours later had a good 'almost finished' draft sitting in front of me. I started typing it up when I got home but I was a bit brain-dead so I figured I would come back to it on Wednesday.

Wednesday I was already scheduled to attend a funeral as well as catch up with another. I got home just after 5 pm and went for a nap. I woke up later and looked at the computer but it wasn't sitting comfortably with me so I left it.

Thursday was THE day. I sat down in front of the computer - notes ready, books open. Then I had one of the worst panic attacks I have ever had. Sigh .... I couldn't even go back into the room.

Friday morning I awoke, immediately launched myself into the assignment with renewed vigor (and no sign of panic) and a couple of hours later it was submitted. I have been worrying about it ever since - it really isn't very good. And in two weeks I have to do it all over again with the next assignment.

Now I haven't had a panic attack on this scale for years. I fully accept it was performance related, and echos of the "stud-farm" still ring in my head. WHY? After all of these years? And I am only doing the degree for fun ... I don't even have to tell anyone my results - or even pass for that matter! It is so frustrating because I am loving the learning, I am enjoying the challenge but when it comes to putting the proverbial pen to paper I crumple. And I wasted a week of my life becuase of it .... sigh ....

Photo: "Student's Dilemma" by TheF-ck


Welshcakes Limoncello said...

But you got the assignment in, mg. Well done.

kyles said...

ello baby, my monitor has sh*t itself at home, so I am sorry I didn't see this earlier, you inspire me, I'm too scared to embark on study, when I really have no excuse, and in you I see possibility and hope. You are a treasure Ms MG, and anything you put your best into you have to walk away and be able to say, well I tried my best xo Hope you and Abbey had a great day today, girls night coming up soon, will get the diary out, xo

Mountaingirl said...

I love my mind when it dances with new learnings, I love4 it less when it goes wonky on me. For better or worse I can't trade it in lol