Saturday, December 26, 2009

Feelings Check

I am angry - and I have been for some weeks. I don't recall when I have ever been this angry before.  I especially get angry at about this time of the day when the general business of life slows down and I have time for reflection. Now I always said I would be honest on this blog but there is obviously another party involved here so forgive me if I do not include some identifiable details to maintain their privacy.

Did I mention I am angry. Actually I am more livid than angry. And I have been internalizing it all. I am not fussed that this person leaned on me during a hard time. I am not fussed that I disagree with their resolution of the situation.  I am fussed that they crossed the line and emotionally blackmailed me into doing more than I wanted to, to get more involved than I ever should have. I am angry that they pushed old buttons. I am angry that they disrespected me, big time. I am angry that they took advantage of a bad situation. I am angry that they have walked away and not looked back.

Now, if I put my welfare hat on, I should discuss this with the person involved. If need be I should be assertive but not aggressive. Screw that. I can hypothesize what will happen but say I default to them saying a simple "sorry". I don't want that. I want them to undo what has happened. I want them to take my pain away. I want them to take the anger away. Being that that outcome (which I acknowledge is impossible) is not practical I see no point in bringing up the point with them - but I am putting up huge walls - this will NOT happen again.

And in the meantime I am still so very angry and I haven't come up with a successful plan to dissipate it.

Photo: "Angry Little Girl" by SubterfugeMalaises

3 comments:

sammispeaks said...

i find angry sex works quite well.
but that's unhelpful.

you love writing -
could you write them a letter without sending it?
maybe do the whole ritualistic burning of said letter and let the smoke take your anger away?
too hippy?
ok.

voodoo dolls?
no.
you're too beautiful to do that.

hitman?
no.
course not.

angry sex?
oh, i said that already.

you're good with your mind,
can you think up the conversation that would resolve your anger?
or run through what you would do differently next time and what the end result would be?

ok now i'm just making shit up.

angry sex?
no.
ok.

xoxo

(p.s.. are you a little less angry now?)

diver said...

O get it over and done with MG. Having these things fester just damages the mind, heart and body. Indeed, I myself gave a (former) friend both barrels for Christmas. It's the season 'for giving' ... afterall ;-)

Mountaingirl said...

Great advice both :-) Now to narrow down the choices to a favorite ....