I Wanna Fly

"I wanna fly Mum, I wanna fly!"

I had tried to plan the day whereby we could split some of the exhibitions with some rides and then onto the animals and finishing with food and showbags as we exited the gate. It was a great plan - I know it was - I had used it for the last three years. But whether Rubee was onto me, or whether she just assumed that the ride was there, well, it didn't matter - I was sprung.

She was 5 now and had talked about nothing else but "flying" all week - actually for the past few weeks. She loved the idea of being strapped in, of being safe and then taking off with nothing underneath her but the ground which seemed oh so far away. She always giggled wildly as the wind blew in her face and her hair flew everywhere else.

We walked over and that was when she made her announcement - I wasn't to fly with her this year. "You keep telling me I getting grown up so I need to do this by myself", she explained. In many ways I couldn't fault the logic but the desire to protect sometimes has nothing to do with logic. I was hoping that the ride attendant would veto the idea but the day was early and there was no one else riding. He looked at me with what I assume was his most comforting look and explained that the belt would fit, she would be safe, and that he would run it slower than usual. There being no way out without disrespecting her new grown-up status, I nodded that it was okay.

I stood outside the fence and watched her fly.

"Faster, faster", she called "I want to REALLY fly".

The operator looked at me again and smiled. I nodded.

The look of exhilaration on her face as the ride sped up, as the wind in her face got stronger, her hair flying out behind her. She waved at me every time she went past. The rest of the time she was both laughing and singing at the top of her voice. She lifted her arms high to maximize the experience.

"Did you see me Mum, did you see me fly?" she asked as she got off and came running over to me.

"Of course!", I answered and tried to match her smile.

There would be moments like this for the rest of her life - moments when she wanted to fly and I wanted to keep her safe on the ground. There would be first love and first job and first time overseas. There would be a thousand firsts and I know that each of them brings the risk of falling. Maybe today was my lesson as much as hers - to wait until she was ready, to prepare her the best I can, to let go, and be there to share the experience - whatever it may be.

Oh my dear child, my one and only Rubee. As I look at your face today I saw the joy of flying, I saw your joy. And I know that I cannot deprive you of that. May you always fly by beautiful one.

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